Amira's World

2.34pm // Tuesday I am still having mixed emotions in me- mad, sad, frustrated, you name it. I hate that I struggle to express what I'm feeling. I know deep inside I truly need help but I just can't seem to reach out to anyone and I would once I feel I am truly damaged inside.  Sad. I am sad thinking of my worth as a person. Sometimes I feel people just took me for granted despite the fact that I struggle every time I let people in. People don't know how much I pushed myself to accept new people in my life. It is hard for me since others do is leave. People even left despite I was at my lowest at that time. I don't know what's wrong with me, but things would always turn that way. I try to remind myself every single time that I am worthy, at least as a human being but sometimes I just doubt it. I am able to prove to myself that what I'm feeling is valid and whatever I'm feeling just makes sense. However, people around me just keeps reminding me how low I am. ...

 7.21am // Friday I woke up super early today for no reason. I thought today would turn to be a normal (lazy/productive) day for but it turned otherwise- I cried for a good 20 mins after lying to one of my friends on why I actually deactivated my main Instagram account. I'm sorry that I lied to you and myself. I truth is I'm still sad about seeing my old circle of friends are fine without me. It kinda sounds toxic, but honestly, I just think it is logical to feel that way- knowing that people you love are capable of being happy without you. Anyway, I'm still happy to see that they are able to find their happiness together even it hurts me. I'm not mad, I'm just frustrated seeing people leave me- especially the ones who left without any explanation. I just feel so betrayed every time I cry on the floor. All I wished for at that time is for God to take all my pain away- including the pain that only He and I knows. I never wanted bad things to happen for 'these...

11.17 // Sunday Just finished some work. I was supposed to study, but I think I need some time to write out what I'm feeling. It's been quite some time since the time I decided to stop by but only today I am capable of doing so. I would consider that I am okay this week physically, but not really mentally. I've been lying to myself this entire week. The truth is I've been over thinking and crying almost every night, unless I have things to do. I've been feeling not really well- feeling lightheaded for almost a week. The thoughts that I've been experiencing this past week was simply because of the group of friends that clearly does not care about me, about a guy who I considered my best friend freaking left and just me tired of finishing some work plus studying for tests. All I want to do rn is cry because words can never make me feel better.