Just Thoughts

Hello, I hope anyone who reads this is in the pink. 

I decided to drop by and curahkan my thoughts here since I'm trying my best to not suppress my feelings atm. It is because overthinking these days might drain me and it might not be good for me because I'm honestly in the mood for everything- sementara semester break and also sementara I have the motivation to do anything I want lol. Idk if you guys find it weird or you guys perasan ke tak yang I tend to rantttttt then suddenly I came out with something good to sedapkan hati sendiri hahaha! Basically, that's just how I make myself feel better and that's also the reason why I'm really good at keeping everything to myself lol. Soooo here's goes my rant....

Firstly, I would like to say that I'm so grateful for being blessed with good friends- I have not really good friends, but I'm still grateful for their existence since they really taught me a lot. As much as I love my family, that is also how much I love my friends. But, this much of love has once ruined me. Honestly, it is hard for me to explain and tell about it here, but I just feel that it's time for me to be true to myself. Lying and saying that I'm okay with everything that happened would only make me suffer on the inside. This may sound cliche, but you know if you love someone unconditionally, you would anything for them? Yes, that's what I did. And yes, kita tak minta balasan for what we did to others, but don't you think it's common sense for us to give and take in life? I mean these people are nice and kind, but it doesn't mean that they can never do something wrong, right? It all started when I felt that I was always there for them when they needed someone, but I don't really get the same treatment? Its always 'kitaorang nak bagi kau masa' whenever I shut myself. I hate telling this story all over again because not only that I tell the ones who are close to me, but I even tell this story to God every time I question my worth as a friend. Maybe it's my fault for always running away from people when I don't feel good but idk sometimes I just feel that what happened was a sign for me which answers whether they are a good circle of friends that I should keep or not. Ngl, I question myself everyday like 'where did it go wrong?'. I loved them sincerely, but I got excluded instead LMAO. It hurts so much when you tried your best to make everyone happy, but you got hurt instead :,) I tak pernah menyesal for all the goods I did for them but its just that I question myself, what did I do sampai kena exclude from the circle?

But after a year it happened and all the muhasabah diri I've done (lol), I got tired of thinking. So, I decided to just appreciate the ones I still have which are also the ones who are willing to be with me whenever I cry or even happy :) I just believe that nothing will feel right until you're grateful for whatever you have. It becomes a problem when you keep looking towards the things you lost and you keep on hoping that it will come back. Tbh, some of it won't. If it does, it won't feel the same. The reason I'm writing about this today is because I suddenly remembered it. Idk if you can relate, but sometimes we thought that quite do move on from something but unfortunately you're not lol. To me, I feel that it's normal to feel hurt again, despite it had happened long ago. It's simply because what hurts you, hurts you. Just acknowledge your hurt so that you can really accept that it's happening to you. Being in denial won't really help you in healing. I hope if you've ever been in my place or maybe almost the same, I pray that you'll find the happiness that you deserve :) We really need to let go and move on because I can promise that there's much more in the future for you rather than looking back at the things that are no longer with us.

I hope my sharing is beneficial lol. I guess that's all for now, bye!