Feelings... Feelings...

Hello :)

It's only 5 days into 2022 and I've started to overthink. It's weird this time, I think a lot about my love life. The one thing that I decided not to think about this year, yes, I'm  currently over thinking about it :/ Nothing serious, but there's some events that happened that made me think about it. One of it is about a guy that I used to be close to. People have been saying that we kinda have feelings for each other. To be honest, I once had a crush on him lmao but not anymore. It was 3 years ago, but I still can recall all the things I did just to impress him hahaha! Sadly, I decided to move on and meet new people because he seems not ready for commitments, thus see me as a close friend of his. Fortunately, I moved on and accepted he was not for me. I never regretted the things I did because my feelings were genuine and I did all I can to impress and at least show some interest. Fast forward, we still have the same chemistry as the first we met each other and it gets better day by day. I'm glad that I had no feelings for him anymore. But, somehow people still see something special between us. To be honest, I see nothing but people say they see how excited he gets around me, the way he looked at me while I'm talking was different compared to when he looks at others? Idk, that's what people say. This is the reason why I overthink- people really believed that he has feelings for me this time :/ I still don't believe that but basically that's what's happening now. My friends even took the initiative to ask him since they say it was too obvious. Honestly, I don't really care since I'm planning not to make myself involve in things related to love this year. What actually bothers me is that the fact that this guy contemplates to make the move just because he thinks he does not reach my standard on certain matters- macam drama melayu kinda thing yk :/ This simply makes me feel sad since I don't really mind those kinda things but yeah it may be a big deal for some guys- most of the time guys lah. Im not sad that he doesn't want to make the move but more to the reason of why he's not doing it. Idk lah, sad but I feel better now since I let it out already? I hope everything just gets better and nothing is ruined because of this silly thing. He does not know that I know my friend approached him but idk he just acts weird just now and I felt unpleasant? Idk, maybe its just me. Another moving on episode I guess hahaha!

The other thing is about the guy I've been talking for almost 4 months (non-stop). I love talking to him simply because it feels great to have someone to talk to everyday. However, it sometimes can make you feel tired of socialising yk? I feel bad for the past week since he has been acting weird. Idk if this is a sign of him leaving me? I guess I have to prepare myself for the worse :/ I just feel that he is tired talking to me- from the way he talks and responds to my text is just 'meh', not really fun like always. I'm confused like is it me who is tired of work and overthinking or it's him. As always, I asked whether he needed a break from talking since the conversation gets plain and boring everyday- sometimes the conversation is just full of bitterness and kinda look like a 'forced' conversation. It sucks to think of 'is there anything that i did wrong or is it just not the right time?' I hate that sometimes I feel that I forced myself to make the conversation better but it did not :/

I dont feel like showing any effort in this few days- for both of them. I think I'm starting to feel burnout due to work. I can't let myself feeling lost in the middle of a hectic week lol. Honestly if ada, ada lah. We really cant force things to work our way. I guess I need to give in this time. Just focus on what's best for me and what's in front of me. I just feel shitty because I feel bad because of these petty things- I have more complicated things to think of? I hope I feel better soon- I will wake up with great plans for myself tomorrow.